Age Old Insecurities...

Some of you have been wondering if I am not just glossing over and selling you this change in my life because I haven't included a smattering of negativity. Instead of going there, I think I'll just point out a few things that I realized don't change in our lives even when we are older and more confident or get the courage to move across the globe... these things just seem like part of our humaness and we can not quite seem to escape them. I am in the initial stages of relationship building in a new world and it feels like grade 4 all over again ... some things just don't change entirely because we've aged.

I want people to like me. Now when I was a kid, I guess I didn't care exactly what or why they liked, I just wanted to be liked. Now that I am older, I want to be liked for the right reasons but there is still this part of me that wants others to enjoy having me around. I think it sometimes can get in the way of who I am. There is part of me that has the ability to morph into the person that others like, unfortunately, that person changes from person to person and at this point in my life I am not willing to do that. SO how do I solve this? I am making the effort to become someone that I like. I am letting God shape in this process also. He's good with messy clay projects. He'll make sense of me somehow and He likes me already.

I think closely connected is our need to connect with others. I am prayerfully asking God to show me where I fit in this community. Inspite of the fact that my schedule is opposite every person on campus, I work when they are off - they work when I am off, I still need friendships. God has been so faithful providing some really amazing and significant friendships in the last year, but as wonderful as they are, they are in other parts of this world. I need presence at times. I need to be looked in the eye. I need to have those close enough to hug. I need community and I need it here. The 'getting to know you stage' is my least favorite stage. I am not good at small talk, strangers can attest. I just like to jump right in to the real stuff. That is not always popular or safe feeling to others.

It doesn't seem easier to learn the dance of making new friends in a new place just because I am older. We are pitted with age old insecurities. We remember all the times when others were careless with us or down-right mean. We still are not sure we're good enough, the ones we are seeking out are probably thinking the same thing. We still want to be liked and want friends. We all need to take off our masks but the false security that that provides is somehow our comfort and it won't ever happen.

I am thankful that God has given me at least one friendship where I do not sensor my thoughts. I just have one serious case of 'BLURTITIS" and somehow we are still growing closer together and she hasn't run for the hills. I think that it is what it all comes down to - We want to be known. Not just for the things that others can see, but really seen, really known. She pursues that faithfully and not just the fancy shmancy stuff, she wants as much of it as she can have. Though my friend sees so much of me that I feel pretty well known, she still doesn't get it all.

This deepest desire to be known - I think God set it into us, I think the desire of His heart was that we would one day come to the point of wanting Him to be the one who knows us. I realize in this mix of wanting to be known, that at times my focus has been about creating an environment that is comfortable for me. Being known is not usually comfortable, is it? He wants to know me. In this sea of humans all seeking to be known, HE wants to know me. Why look any further. He has all I need. He knows that I need others. He knows that need is filled first in Him.

SO I believe my God will supply all my needs according to his glorious Riches...

Wondering what's expected...

THis is Michelle... She's a goofball and is the new gr. 5 teacher at Dalat. She can always make me laugh and is always up for an adventure.

THis is Bethany! She's the new highschool counselor and she has a husband Dave and 2 beautiful children, one named Carly (my sister's name is Carley so that is why that is interesting)

This is Vi (Jaffray Dorm Mom) and Val (REsident supervisor). We went out as a dorm staff for supper at the Batu stalls. It was a fun time! I think my resident life staff are pretty amazing.

Shauna and Annie and I went for 15$ pedicures... they are incredible. Can you tell who's who?

Well friends, I am sitting here and wondering what exactly this blog is in exsistance for. I wish sort of that I had established that earlier on in my writing process on it. Right now it seems to be serving mostly as a newsy report of some of my happenings, I think that is a fair assessment. I don't think that is a bad thing, but I am wondering in some ways what the audience who has chosen to embrace this blog (now Paul has me wondering how many I have - not as a competition I assure you) wants.

I don't want this to be just the details of my time here

I don't want it to be my bare raw thoughts either

I guess for now, unless you, my faithful few tell me otherwise, it will be somewhere in the middle...

So I just finished my first week by myself in dorms. Since I was still recovering, I had to do my morning shift (7-8:30) and come home to sleep and rest and then head back to dorm at 3:30-10:30. It was such an amazing week. I could tell you the names of the kids in each dorm I was in and am beginning to realize some key parts of my job more intimately too. I just have been falling in love with equipping ministry, dorm ministry and with overseas ministry. God has blessed me richly.

First, I realize that just like any position when youa re working with others, the first expanse of time is a banter of boundaries. SO they try to find out where yours are using whatever means they can. I was ready for them... :) Teaching for 10 years really has given me resolve to know what I expect so when that boundary is tested, I can show lovingly and clearly where the line is. I also have no expectations of having my mail goal to be that they 'like' me. I hope in time that this unfolds (and it already has in major ways) but my calling is to love the, equip them, call them to higher ground, challenge them, teach them, stretch them and guide them into a life-long, vital, growing, dynamic and fruitful relationship with Jesus Christ. I don't think Jesus just went for the popular vote either. He knew how fickle we humans are and so He sought something much deeper.

Second, As 'Aunt Lana', I am afforded some priviledge and some ins that dorm parents are not. I guess I see this more and more with my own neices and nephers as they get older too. They share differently because you are not thier dorm/parent. I will always be wise to cover and support my dorm parents (as I do my sister's and there husbands and other important kids I get to mentor's parents too) but it does give me some special times already. I have done devotions with each of my dorms. I am giving them time to get to know me and have been so encouraged by the attentiveness but more blessed by the interaction in each dorm as a result. God is good.

This job is a direct reflection of God having me where He wants me. I have not waivered on that even once. Even in the midst of 3 weeks of not being well I was sure this is where God wanted me (maybe even because of the phsyical attacks on me - Satan wanted to distract and discourage me but has been unsuccessful) Some moments have come where I have longed for somewhere else, for home, for a face to face coffee with a friend or even just a familar smell, but I have not wondered if Dalat is where God wants me for right now. That is so evident and clear. I love love love my job.

Some of you know that I have 7 ladies who are important to me who are praying for me one day a week each. I have to tell you how this has impacted me. I am so overwhelmed with blessing! I love these ladies and each loves me, differently but in so many ways exactly the same because we have one shared Father who has brought us into relationship together. These ladies have provided for me support and have freed me to have a boldness in my transition that I believe would have been harder without their prayers. I want to also thank those of you who are praying for me when I come to mind and heart. What a joy it is to serve the Lord as an extension of you...

I went to the mainland and bought dishes and a tennis racket today... I also went to the mall tonight and SPLURGED on bed head hairspray because they really do not have non-areosol hairspray here. It was a long day of chugging around Penang but I got to be in community with new friends. We laughed lots and are learning each other so it was a good day inspite of the tiredness that ensues.

K, that's all tonight folks. I need to take more pictures! I will soon soon :)

Check out my facebook if you want to see some that I have posted lanasg@hotmail.com is my address for adding on there or lana gummeson. I also have a skype address of lanagummeson for those who are asking.

Thank you for partnering with me!

Your love and prayers are felt over the vast ocean.

I love my Job!

So I started this week by hanging out in each dorm with the dorm parents. It was GREAT! I love my job! I have already had chances to learn 3 dorms of kids names and I have been so blessed. I enjoy the chance to connect with them first thing in the morning and then again afterschool.

I made Waffles in one of the Dorms with Shauna. Waffles for 16 I might add :) That's a lotta waffles! Shauna was making cookies while I made the waffles. That night me and two of the younger girls in that dorm (gr. 5 and gr. 7 dear sisters) made GIANT cookies for the dorm meeting on Thursday Night. They were more like a pan of cookie bars but the one that was on a pizza type pan looked like a giant cookie!

The next night two of my Sr.'s in the dorm I was in made Brownies with me with chocolate icing. I am going ot be baking much more here than I ever did at home. It is great! I love getting to feed people rather than just deciding what pathetic meal I will scrounge for one. :) I got a lot better at not doing that in BC. I decided that I needed to treat me the way I'd treat others in that area. So good meals happened after that decsion. I love to cook but cooking for one is not as much fun I assure you.

Meals in the caf have been great. Balu is good at making the variety of foods - we have so many different cultures represented that he couldn't keep up with all 24 but he does very well and is a great guy!

I have been ill again the end of this week but am recovering nicely - its been a good way to learn to trust and lean on this new community that God has me in. It is special the ways I have been cared for by my Dorm team. :) Pretty much amazing people I get to work with here! :)

Well thats all for now folks, More later :)
Love Lana

ALL Staff Supper

Tonight our staff ended our 3 days of staff meetings with a meal together at the Copthorne. It's one of the hotels on either side of our campus. It was good! I ate my first meal in a few days, feeling better today and it was good to see all our national staff and international staff all fellowshiping and being one big Dalat Family. Here's one the one picture I took at the supper... She's one of my favorites :)

For those who don't know, let me introduce my friend Shauna Archer. I have always admired Shauna. I think it is because there are parts of her that are like me, maybe made it a little more ok to be me. She has always been honest and forthright with me. She has a love for the Lord and an openness to the Holy Spirit that makes it easy to be drawn to her and easy to love her too. If you want someone to blame for me being overseas, don't blame Shauna, she was only doing the what the Holy Spirit prompted her to do when she suggested I come :) I am glad she is here with me!

Now off to KL tomorrow for an adventure in IKEA land! :)

Malaysian Soil underfoot...

Malaysia is great!
I have been loving it here.
A friend of mine said the other day that we worry about things that will probably never happen. She was right. I was so worried that my body would not adjust to the heat and it has been just fine. I don't stand out in the hot sun, I sweat some - I am cool to the touch cause my body is doing such a good job, overall it is good.

Shauna and Tim got here on Saturday - I went with Uncle David (Ziemer Dorm Dad) to get them. We piled all their stuff into one of the vans and galavanted home. It was neat to see that they have definately felt like they are home here. I will have that feeling in a few years too.

Another dear friend, she is also in Cross-cultural Ministry overseas, welcomed me to the part of the calling that we don't know going in... maybe we wouldn't answer if we did... a constant missing of the world we are not in. So the cycle begins I suppose. Right now, I don't love it here the way I will so it is a bit of an ache for my North American 'home' and my friends there, which could be BC or SK. I also long for my friends around the globe. Cath in Brazil, Kristi in Germany, Sunny in India, all my PFO'rs who are now scattered all over... I miss them all...

I do know that I'll fall in love with this place, especially when the students arrive. I am so looking forward to meeting them...
Loving them
Caring for them
serving them
They are why I answered,
Yes Lord, Send me...